But the usual are: to be able to speak at the age of two, walking and running by the age of three, then going to school, attend university, have a stable job, get married, build a family and so on, until we eventually die.
Along the journey we will encounter a lot of people and situations that will make us, or break us. It depends on how we perceived them.
As in my journey, I met this guy, who I thought, "he will never be my Mr. Right".
Jokes on me, though.
He was, and he is the Mr. Right, all along.
Flash back a little,
I met him 8 years ago. He was my junior on my workplace, and turned out, we went to the same elementary school. At first, I found this guy annoying. No, let me correct myself, I found every guy my age at that time, annoying.
Having to go to senior school which 90% of its students are male species, made me think that "boys at the end of their teenage years are brats, and I hate brats".
I did realize when he started to pursue me, but I did not understand what he saw in me. I mean, I was a sceptic when it came to love. What is love? Why does a person voluntarily gives someone a power to hurt him/her? I've seen enough example, so I could not relate.
But hei, he was quite persistent, and I like the attention. So I decided, "Well then, let's do this and see how far we could go. We don't have to be in love to be in a relationship, anyway."
Our relationship lasted for nearly three years until we called it off. Quite surprising, actually. I never thought it will last that long.
Why did we break up?
He was actually really sweet and kind, it felt nice to have someone who took care of me, gave me attention, made time for me, picked me up to and from work and a lot of other things that made me think that, it's nice to have a boyfriend. But that's it.
I didn't know how to be in a relationship. I didn't know how to love, even receiving it became a burden for me. Heck, I didn't even know if I love myself or not.
I was only half of a person, and in my defense, so he was. Two halves don't always make a whole. In a relationship, I don't believe in 50/50 crap, because every individual are different. If half orange and half apple are combined, it will never be a whole orange, or a whole apple. So what do you expect from half of a woman and half of a man?
A burden. Heart break. Suffocation
The two of us had our own baggage that we need to deal with. At that time, we weren't ready.
I've never regretted our break up. But I've never expected that we will get back together. As a husband and wife, If I may add.
Funny, how the universe works.
We were being apart for three years. That time we weren't together gave us rooms to grow up, to shape our personality, to create a better version of ourselves.
Then we finally met again, and I fall in love harder than I have ever been. (not that I have ever been in love before, lol)
I love how his character grow. I love how he makes me feel. I love how now I have the ability to response to his feelings. I love the version of me when I am with him. I love that I love him now.
I am completely aware of the fact that I am a difficult person to love. There are a lot of days I am moody, bitchy, grouchy, and hard to deal with.
But I want him.
And fortunately, this strange human keeps coming back. He accepts me, and he learned to deal with my bullshit. Then, I realized. For me, falling in love is not about butterflies in my stomach, or a grand romantic gesture.
For me, love is about the accumulations of small kindness that he does to me repetitively. The comfort he gives me when I need to take a rest, the trust he built in me when he is not in my sight, the space he gives me when I want to be alone, the ears to listen when I want to be heard, the friendship he offers when I need someone to talk, the ice cream he buys to bribe me when I need to cool down, and many more.
He is a fine companionship, which hard to find, especially for me who is extremely selective on who I spend my energy with.
Dear husband, thank you for always listening to me, convinced me that you truly care about me, and allowing me to experience love. Thank you for your extra patience on accepting me. Thank you for choosing me. Thank yo for loving me
Now we are in this voyage, I hope you will always find comfort in me, as I you.
Love,
Your wife
