Self Reminder

I lost someone today. 

I wasn't really close to this person, but her existence was like the sun

I didn't talk much to her, but her smile is embed to my soul. 

Death is near

Death is easy

Why are we always under the impression of we will live forever? 

I have seen many deaths, but not enough to make me realize that people leave, we all will.

Every time it happens, it was like a slap on the face.

People who greet us with their beautiful smile in the morning could be no longer with us in the evening.

People who promise to meet us on Monday could never be there because they meet Death on Sunday.

Death is a reminder to be kind

Death is a reminder to appreciate time

Death is a reminder to love

Cherish our love ones, because they too, would not live forever

Next

In your silence

I found out what we are

And what we are not

But thank you

Those short times were real

At least I was happy

And feel

Oops, Forgot My Head

I think.... There's something wrong in my head.

I knew I am such a clumsy and forgetful person, but these traits are getting worse these days. And I super hate it. I mean, I keep forgetting where do I place my stuff, especially my eye glasses, I leave my motor key attached to its key hole a big number of times, I often left my wallet at my office, or didn't bring my phone with me. Also, just recently, I park my bike in front of my office, but I walk a distance to the basement only to find out that my bike wasn't there.

This is madness! And tiring.
If only my head could be detached, I think I would misplace it too :'))

Recharge

Life don't stop at your sorrow
You, by all means are not weak
Just take a break
And restart in the morrow 

Happy National Blogger Day!

"If you could hear my thoughts, you would probably discover the secrets of universe"

That's what I thought. And I still am.

I started this blog at 2008 as a mean to substitute my diary book, and I haven't stopped ever since.

This blog is really close to my heart because even though contentnya ga berguna dan sangat tidak informatif, bahkan semua tulisan on my early blogging days udah gue revert to draft karena terlalu emotional, immature, alay, tanpa filter, cringe worthy, and make my skin crawl every time I re-read them, it's like a dear friend to me who have been watching me grow since my early adolescent days. A very young Renitta was someone melancholy, who had a lot to say,  to think, and to worry about, but was too timid to speak her mind, even until now. Pouring my mind out into a writing (though I never write in a right way) not only helped me grow as a person, but also short my always jumbled-up thoughts as well. In another way, blog ini adalah tempat sampah untuk mengosongkan pikiran-pikiran gue yang tidak pernah terucap.

It's crazy to be born with a mind that never stop thinking, and always over-analyze everything.

Maybe one day I will make this blog more useful by posting more creative and significant contents. Or maybe not. My mood and passion come and go like monsoon winds, anyway.

A Quarter Life Crisis - Mengahadapi Pertanyaan Kapan Nikah

I am soon to be 25, and long before I was reaching this age I used to think I would be a really cool adult with intellectuality of Einstein that could handle everything by myself at 25.

Turns out I still am the old me with the mentality of teenager.  Growing up sucks. I took the time when the hardest problem in my life was homeworks and assignments for granted.

Skip to the main point of the topic, one of my quarter life crisis beside my social life (or the lack of it) and my career, is my unattended relationship. I wonder why does our society expecting us 'the young maiden around 24-27ish' to already have our significant others and have our marriage date set on the stone. Seolah-olah a nosy question like 'kapan nikah' terus-terusan akan mempercepat datangnya jodoh. Duh. I don't feel the pressure though, it's just,  I got this wishy-washy question quite a lot that it is getting on my nerve.

For me, people are over-using this question. It is used when we don't have anymore topic to converse but we want to keep talking anyway. That's why I find pertanyaan 'kapan nikah' empty and lack of sincerity. I mean come on dude, to start a small talk you can always have anything more genuine to ask like, how's life? Why does earth revolve around the sun? What would happen if it does the other way around? Do you know in the future human will have a chip planted inside their body? ANYTHING at all, you know. Be creative. 

Mungkin mereka juga iseng nanya karena I go solo literally everytime, even ke occasion yang umumnya makhluk seumuran gue bawa partner (kondangan, arisan keluarga. red). But hey, I couldn't find anyone as incredible as me. So I decided to date myself.

To answer that question, just in case one of those people who ask me 'kapan nikah' was actually genuine and really have a concern about my well-being, this is your answer: I will get married when I finally find someone who can put up with my ridiculous-over thinking-indcisive-self for a very long time. Other than that, I am fine by myself.

Marriage means spending your whole life with someone and it is not a joke. I have seen many unhappy married couple, including my parents. Their marriage life turned sour when their partner is not what they expected to be. And I don't want to sign up for that.

In my opinion marriage is a teamwork. It's like a pilot with his co-pilot. They work together and help each other. When you have disagreement, compromise. When you expect something from your partner, tell them. When you are grateful, say thanks. When you are sorry, apologise. I don't know why so many people fail to see that.

Also, I don't do patriarchal practice where the wife should do this and the husband could do that. I am no feminist, but I appreciate people who know how to treat their women.

The Sound of Silence

Silence is deafening.

In silence, every sounds becomes more prominent, because nothing is prefectly still. Including our minds.

As a person who don't talk much, I have the loudest mind. I observe, I assess, I judge, then I try to co-exist. And I am pretty much selective on who and how I spend my energy with.

My silence could be everything.
It means yes, it means no, it means I like you, It means I don't like you, it means I miss you but I prefer to keep it to myself, it means I don't care anymore, it means I have no energy to talk but your company is needed, it means leave me alone, it means I care about you but I don't know the way to express it, and so on

The people in my life who actually understand the sound of my silence are like gemstones. They are precious.

And above all, the sound of my silence are like 2 AM tic-tocs. Honest and real

A Broken Promise

Been neglecting my own commitment since day 1.

Saying I will start writing... anything at all, but my real life kind of get in the way

I feel like I am losing not only my self, but also my social life as well. Omg being a lazy girl with a busy life is hard

The Vessel

Your happiness could be someone else's hard work. Your smile could be someone else's  pain. Your trivial decisions could have a big impact to somebody else's. Good or bad. You see, everything in life has its price of equal value. Doesn't matter how big or small, doesn't matter how or who, you have to sacrifice in order to gain.

Now, what do you think of the price for a second chance?

 

STARTING

You know those feelings when the world around you has so much going on but you choose to stay at your bed, procrastinating. The bed was so comfy you don't want to let go.

That is where I am right now. I feel like I am waaaay to comfortable (or lazy) with my life to the point where I have stopped growing. I don't write as much as I did in the past, well, though everything that I have written were never past the intorductory part or just a mere snippets of my insignificant characters' dialogues. I never finish my painting even though I had promised myself that I would do it on weekends. I don't go doing exercise anymore because, well, my bed is too inviting.

It got me thinking that I have so many unfulfilled commitments with myself because I get bored easily. I don't finish what I have started once I think they have become too burdensome, and this is bad. The problem with me is I am too impatient. I expect everything I do should be perfect in one go, keep forgetting that even the most skillful writers or painters will have to learn forever.

I really want to get rid of this bad habit, so I come up with this idea to start writing project for myself, where I will force myself to write every.single.day in this blog. I am not sure if I would write every day (see? I just set up a goal but already trying to avoid it almost immediately) but I will try as often as I could.

Somewhere Between Giving Up and Seeing How Much More I Can Take

I am at a point in my life where I won't force things anymore. What happens, happens...