SUPERNOVA

I just finished Dewi Lestari's novel series, Supernova, and it is not exaggerating to say that the book was mind blowing. I knew how fall behind I was, since the first book was released more than 10 years ago, but the perks is, I didn't have to wait years after years for the series to finally completed like everyone else.

So my thoughts about them?

The first book, Kesatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh was quite challenging. I need to read the first 10 pages twice or trice, or more, to really understand what the book was trying to tell. Really, I was a literature student, not physics. For me to read a fiction which has so many, if not much, physics terminologies in one page was too much. My brain refused to digest, and make some senses out of them.

As I was keep going, I began to see the plot was actually so simple (or was it?), and maybe if you are a conservative person, you would think that this book has low moral values. I mean, it was about a beautiful woman who had already married to your typical handsome, rich, loving, and loyal fictional character of a man. Yet, this woman felt dissatisfied with her husband, and had an affair, even sex with another your typical handsome, rich, loving, and loyal fictional character of a man. How ungrateful a woman could be? There also this high class prostitute with the intelligence of Einstein, and rate herself with a large number of Dollar instead of Rupiah. Don't forget about the gay couple who played their roles as if they are the narrators in the story. 

See? couldn't you see how absurd and immoral this story all about? Little did I know it was only what's on the surface.

Turned out the story was not as simple as I thought. The first book ended with a lot of mysteries and unanswered questions of who and why. Then, I continued to read the second, and third book. Akar and Petir. In these two books, my brain was given a chance to rest a little. It didn't mean that the stories are less interesting though. In fact, my questions were adding up. Akar and Petir were told from a two different characters which has no relationship at all, but they have one similarity. Both are orphaned. Still, I couldn't really see where this story was actually going, even though I had my own theories.

What hooked me up was how Dee stringed her sentences in the story, and how the characters expressed themselves through their dialogues. She chose, and threaded every single word carefully which made the book beautiful to read. Sometimes they are so philosophical, that made me stop reading for a minute or two to contemplate these words.

My theories were proven to be true in the fourth and fifth book Partikel and Gelombang. Let me tell you, reading these novels were like reading I am Number Four by Pittacus Lore, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and Sophie's World by Joestein Gaarder, altogether. Of course minus the galactical war, explosions, deadly weapons, hidden treasure, and all that stuff. But all these characters, even though Dee didn't explicitly told us they were an alien, I would still think that they are some extraterrestrial beings which have this superior consciousness, and made them questions everything, even their own existence, and without realizing it, they have to go through certain journeys or sequences in their lives, until finally, they got their answers. Like seeing a baby grows up, I love how Dee put these sequences in the characters' lives. It gave me better understanding of why they are the way they are.

Finally in the sixth book, Intelegensi Embun Pagi, everything was explained in such a palpable way, like how usually history teachers explain their subject, almost boring. No more riddles, no more hidden messages, no more confusing words. I actually a little bit disappointed about the way everything is revealed, because I love the first five books for how Dee played with words. Looking past my minor dissatisfaction, reading the rest of the book was like watching a thriller in a cinema, you wouldn't be able to sit still. Like when my brain hadn't given a rest in the first book, this time was my heart. All these characters were running against time, and the events in this stories were arranged in such a way that kept me flip pages after pages without wanting to stop, Yes it was that addicting.

The stories was completed with an open ending. Probably many people were disappointed because this series has been going for 15 years, yet still there was no closure for us, the readers. But I think it is the right way to end the story, it gives us so many possibilities about the fate of all characters, and who knows that maybe one day Dee would continue this story with a different frame, different setting, or even different universe... who knows.

REGRET

I want to be that person whom able to say “I regret nothing, because my past make me who I am today”. I thought I was that wise.

My biggest regret is, I was an ignorant child. My thinking wasn’t critical enough, and I wasn’t as curious as a cat. I was too keen on my study, and blinded by the idea ‘you need to have good grades if you want to be success.’ I accepted almost everything without any desire to question it, until a while ago I realize that this is not the knowledge I need.

I am not talking about the knowledge we are mandated to have for almost a quarter of our life at local schools, because whether you like it or not, the schools we have attended to didn’t teach us how to live our live, or how to find a job. Like Neil Gaiman said, they don’t teach you how to love someone. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich, or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.

If I could go back to meet the 15 years old me,I'd tell her not to memorize that crazy math formulas you wouldn’t even use later in your life, but to absorb and learn all the information you would need from those famous people. How to have a dream bigger than their reality, how to fall and get up, how to struggle and never give up. Don’t take that numbers, or the impossibly high standard that your teachers had set on the stones for every freaking subjects too seriously. Even teachers only know shit about their own subject. Your life span is limited, and you don’t have to be an expert in everything. Choose one, or two, and be amazingly knowledgeable about it. That’s how you find your success.

Or, I could tell her don't adult. THAT IS A TRAP

BUT, since I am already 23 and I never had future me to give the warning, today I can only catch up. On my own pace.

Tulisan Prof. Quraish Shihab untuk Najwa Shihab

"Keberuntungan" kadang memainkan perannya dalam kehidupan manusia, sekalipun kerap tidak masuk akal. 

Karena itulah takdir mereka.

Boleh jadi keterlambatanmu dari suatu perjalanan adalah keselamatanmu

Boleh jadi tertundanya pernikahanmu adalah suatu keberkahan

Boleh jadi dipecatnya engkau dari pekerjaan adalah suatu maslahat

Boleh jadi sampai sekarang engkau belum dikarunia anak itu adalah kebaikan dalam hidupmu.

Boleh jadi engkau membenci sesuatu tapi ternyata itu baik untukmu, karena Allah Maha Mengetahui Sedangkan engkau tidak mengetahui.

Sebab itu, jangan engkau merasa gundah terhadap segala sesuatu yang terjadi padamu, karena semuanya sudah atas izin Allah

Jangan banyak mengeluh karena hanya akan menambah kegelisahan.

Perbanyaklah bersyukur, Alhamdulillah, itu yang akan mendatangkan kebahagiaan.

Terus ucap Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, sampai engkau tak mampu lagi mengucapkannya.

Selama kita masih bisa tidur tanpa obat tidur, kita masih bisa bangun tidur hanya dengan satu bunyi suara, kita terbangun tanpa melihat adanya alat-alat medis yang menempel di tubuh kita, itu pertanda bahwa kita hidup sejahtera.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, ucapkan sampai engkau tak mampu lagi mengucapkannya.

Jangan selalu melihat ke belakang karena disana ada masa lalu yang menghantuimu. Jangan selalu melihat ke depan karena terkadang ada masa depan yang membuatmu gelisah.

Namun lihatlah ke atas karena di sana ada Allah yang membuatmu bahagia.

Tidak harus banyak teman agar engkau menjadi populer, singa sang raja hutan lebih sering berjalan sendirian. Tapi kawanan domba selalu bergerombol.

Jari-jari juga demikian; kelingking, jari manis, jari tengah, jari telunjuk, semuanya berjajar bersampingan kecuali jari jempol dia yang paling jauh diantara keempat itu.

Namun perhatikan engkau akan terkejut kalau semua jari-jari itu tidak akan bisa berfungsi dengan baik tanpa adanya jempol yang sendiri yang jauh dari mereka.

Karena itu, sebenarnya yang diperhitungkan bukanlah jumlah teman yang ada di sekelilingmu akan tetapi banyaknya cinta dan manfaat yang ada di sekitarmu, sekalipun engkau jauh dari mereka.

Menyibukkan diri dalam pekerjaan akan menyelamatkan dirimu dari tiga masalah; yaitu kebosanan, kehinaan, dan kemiskinan.

Aku tidak pernah mengetahui adanya rumus kesuksesan, tapi aku menyadari bahwa "rumus kegagalan adalah sikap asal semua orang".

Teman itu seperti anak tangga, boleh jadi ia membawamu ke atas atau ternyata sebaliknya membawamu ke bawah, maka hati-hatilah anak tangga mana yang sedang engkau lalui.

Hidup ini akan terus berlanjut baik itu engkau tertawa ataupun menangis, karena itu jangan jadikan hidupmu penuh kesedihan yang tidak bermanfaat sama sekali.

Berlapang dadalah, maafkanlah, dan serahkan urusan manusia kepada Tuhan, karena engkau, mereka, dan kita semua, semuanya akan berpulang kepadaNya.

Jangan tinggalkan sholatmu sekali pun. Karena di sana, jutaan manusia yang berada di bawah tanah, sedang berharap sekiranya mereka diperbolehkan kembali hidup mereka akan bersujud kepada Allah SWT walau sekali sujud.

Jangan selalu bersandar pada cinta, karena itu jarang terjadi.

Jangan bersandar kepada manusia karena ia akan pergi.

Tapi bersandarlah kepada Allah SWT, Tuhan YME, karena Dialah yang menentukan segala nya... 

Amin

DOESN'T MATTER IF LIFE IS UNFAIR

What’s so interesting about life is, sometimes it tries to kid us around, throws us some pebbles, gives us a big scare or two, and It is something we have no control over. As a human who is gifted with feelings and emotions, our reaction toward what life has decided to toy us with may varies. You may be angry, you may choose to lose yourself in your misery, pity yourself, thinking of how unfair it was for you.

Learning from my own experience, now I prefer to make peace, and accept everything it wants me to have, or not to have. When I wanted what everyone else has and it said no, I didn’t complain. And when it gave me something I actually despise, I took it anyway. Surprisingly, I am okay. In the long run, turns out it was the best thing for me. You see, we have to come to terms that, maybe what is good for other people is not for us no matter how hard we oppose it, and vise versa.

It’s hard, really, to make peace. But the pebbles life has thrown you? or the surprises that may not too delightful for you? They didn’t mean to hurt you, even though they seemed like it. They mean to shape you, to polish you, so you get tougher and become a better version of yourself. And the fact that you are still alive despite everything you have been through? You are tougher than you give yourself credit for.

THIRD TIME IS A CHARM

I love how my title rhymes, it's not original, but still...

Stone Henge Replica - Yogyakarta

I often wonder how someone could fall madly in love with a certain place or certain things that is not even alive, but boi I was wrong. Maybe because of the circumstances, maybe  because of whom we were with, or maybe because of the place itself.

As for me, there is always, and I mean always something to explore when you are in Yogyakarta. It is actually really hard to not to love the city.

My first visit was ten years back or so, I was exploring the temples, Borobudur and Prambanan Temples. After that, more often than not, I opposed the idea of coming back. Not because they are not beautiful, they are so majestic, let me tell you. But because I thought I have seen everything I need, and Indonesia still has a lot of places I am yet to explore. The petty me thought going back to the same places was only a waste on my budget.

Now, I hate to remind myself how wrong I was.

I came back to Yogyakarta years after. This time I was staying in a local village, at a house of my friend's relative. I thought it was going to be boring, because you know, 'I have seen everything' but no dear brothers and sisters. It turned out to be the most satisfying vacation I ever had at that time. Not only her relatives showing us around, but we explore some exotic beaches that were not too many people knew.

I went back there recently. It was a spontaneous decision actually, without a second thought. As if my guts knew I was going to have my heart broken and I would be in need of a remedy*eh. So I purchased a train and an airplane tickets, and I was planning to stay there for three days. I didn't expect anything at first, for all I wanted was to have a short escape away from Jakarta.

On my third time, my love towards this city doubled. My intention was to blend in with the people, so I didn't plan for some kind of luxurious vacation. Then, I started to actually feel. The natives are warm and nice. I thought they were creepy at first, because they were overly nice, yes they are all that nice, which made an urban child like me couldn't help but felt suspicious. Until, my friend told me that, that's who they really are, even I got used to it, and enjoy their hospitality. 

Filosofi Kopi - Yogyakarta

Yogyakarta also one of the cities which still strongly practicing their cultural heritage. I can feel their culture in the air, as if I was breathing in it, and there was like, this traditional music background mentally playing on my mind wherever I went. Two prticular places that left me with the most impression were a museum called Ullen Sentalu, which reveals the history of Yogyakarta's Royal Families, Batik pattern, etc. The museum itself was like a labyrinth, without a guide you would probably lost, and taking pictures inside was prohibited. So, yeah I don't really have any nice picture to be shown around from here.

The second place was Museum Sisa Hartaku, where the ruins from Merapi eruption in 2012 remain. Seeing all those belonging whose possessors are no longer there gave me a sense of grieve, even though I don't know who these people are. Broken television, half melted electronics, burnt pictures, even an unfinished toothpaste allowed you to imagine that someone, right before the calamity, was doing something you were probably doing at the same time in different places.The thing is, you are still alive, but they are not.

A Relief in Ullen Sentalu - Yogyakarta

Museum Mini Sisa Hartaku, Gunung Merapi - Yogyakarta

Back to the happy stuff, my stay was delightful. Strolling around Malioboro at night, watching free concert, buying stuff I don't need, watching the sun set from Candi Ijo, riding motorcycle with maximum speed, eating a large amount of food with super affordable price (Re: Angkringan). I felt so happy in the midst of my sorrow. Therefore, I fall in love with Yogyakarta.

XOXO

A GIRL

There was a girl whose afraid of the future. She cowered under its uncertainty

The thing is, she didn’t know what her worth

She was a shy and quite girl

Envied people with character, with a bravery of a fighter

She was afraid of society, thinking too much about what they have in mind

At one point in her life, she was a prodigy, but satisfaction came too early

While people keep learning and trying, she wrapped herself in a bubble

Thinking that the world revolved around nothing but her

Her bubble finally burst out, 

Everyone else was thousands miles ahead of her

All in all, she was just an introvert conceited girl

Reality touched her like a slap in the face

Hurt her, gave her a scare, and a taste of doubtfulness

She didn’t know what to do, what to choose

For she thought she only had one ideal of happiness

There was a girl whose afraid of the future. She cowered under its uncertainty

She took one awkward step from where she stood

And another step, and another step

She is going to catch up with everyone

In her pace

AN UNSOLVED PUZZLE

I have changed the title of my blog and revert all of my older posts back to draft. Why? for the both of questions, the answers are..

1. The world is a whole bunch of gigantic question marks for me. There are a lot of things that either don't have the answer we crave, or we need to solve the puzzles before we get the meaning of life, and some of them sometimes remain unsolved. Even some of us probably still figuring out who we really are, including me. So, that is where Enigma comes from.

2. Looking back, I realized how much I love writing, especially about my problems LOL. And they are so embarrassing and cringe worthy. You would not know how hard I cringed rereading all that mortifying stuff. You don't need to try and find out. And yes, there are my assignments too, but now I have graduated so....

I keep thinking what should I do with my blog, though apart from assignments, everything I wrote are a total rubbish, I don't have the heart to totally delete this page. the writings, they are my memories and my lessons after all. I can see how much I have grown from my babbling and rambling in the past, and I like my growth

So finally, I have decided to keep my blog and renew everything. I don't know whether people really have the time to read my post, or if there is someone who really care and read this at all, but I realize that I need somewhere I can call sanctuary, where I can write whatever I want.

XOXO